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9 weeks 'til I MIGHT come home to see Thomas in Godspell and got to Renfest. MIGHT. My mom doesn't want me driving by myself, but who's gonna want to go? I really want to go home. This college thing is just too much. At least I'm slightly more stable than I was at DHS. But that's actually worse. I stay upbeat and cheerful for the entire day, most of the time, but if I feel down, it lasts for a long time too. And that's worse. The longer it lasts, the worse it is. I've purged my facebook more times in the last 6 weeks than I did in the 6 months before that. There are nights when I don't even get on AIM. I just do my homework, check on facebook through email, not even logging in, and go to bed early. I've hung up on almost all my friends in the last 3 weeks, something I did TWICE before then, ever. I've wanted to cut but I haven't. I just want to talk to someone, but there's no one to talk to. I can't tell anyone anything. It's so frustrating to listen to Caitlyn talking to her friend Luke, who she can tell anything. I can't complain because I did this to myself, but it doesn't make it any less lonely.
All this stability should help me finish that stupid story about Kiri and Aya, but it's not. I just want it done with. I'm sorry I ever wrote it. I hate it. I'm not going to write anymore. I never should've started again in the first place. It's not doing me any good, and it's not any good. So no more of that junk.
 nepie · Mon Sep 22, 2008 @ 12:58am · 0 Comments |
