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Yeah...so I haven't posted an actual journal entry in a while...I guess.... -sigh- My dad's gone...he left Tuseday... I wish he didn't... Everytime he leaves life in the house gets even shittier than usual... An example of which is that later the that night (Tuseaday) ...I got into a fight with my Brother...which my mom for some reason decided she wanted to be a part of...so my brother and Mom were yelling at me... My fists were clentched so tight I'm surprised I didn't tear my skin... Although I did end up doing that..later... -.- There're a few thin slits in my skin where I was clawing at my arms... -.-' Yeeeah... My brother did eventually stop and he gave got my mom to leave and gave me a hug. I guess he noticed my thoughts weren't getting any better with all that crap... -sigh- ....I was still pissed at him though... I wanted him to leave so bad.. he did...and all those annoying thoughts came rushing back to me... Now I'm so unstable... I'm reminded of my freshman year...-_-' ...I ******** hate life a lot...
I got in a fight with my brother again last night...well...more along the lines of pissed him off......I swear all I can do is piss my family and friends, and random people, off... God...I guess this is why I'm having such pathetic, romantic thoughts.... cry I want a boyfriend....only so I can have someone there for me who'll love me...but then I think about the negatives......Actually I guess It'd be worse to have boyfriend...I'd probably piss him off....seeing as how I have so much damn baggage...or whatever... -sigh- ...whatever... The only happy thing I'm currently clinging to is the possibility of my going back to CMR next year... I want to graduate with my friends.....
But honestly...I'm so sick of life...I wish I could be 5 again... ...not that life was much better back then either.... Dad wasn't there much... God....Military families suck a**... ...Well..I'm going to stop before I make myself cry.. ._.''
P.S. ...I have a headache and I just pinned fifteen bugs a bit ago...o.O' >.< SO GROSE! -shiver-
 Yanachii · Fri Sep 09, 2005 @ 01:17am · 1 Comments |
