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.... will continue... most likely......

Jin..... gothic poet..... I pray you guys are alright.... sad ......

s**t is just coming back over and over again... and wont stop.... -sighs-..... but yeah.... aint ggoing to get into here since most people dont want the "teenage angst" in their lives.

I will say this however... I am going to see a new pychiatrist... and there are many many things to tell her that I hadnt told the prior doctor.... yeah.....

May's major is changing again.... but to what.... I duhno anymore... I Cant handle s**t anymore.... I just cant.... -cries-...

I've honestly wanted nothing more recently than to end the stress... end the never eneding cycle... the deepening wounds in my heart and mind..... end my life.... but its not going to happen....

Poetry...

Delusion
safe in your heart
safe in your arms
safe with the feelings
safe with the charms

was it all a dream
a delusion
a hope
an unwanted conclusion

you held me before
when i needed you
you told me sweet nothings
from a heart i thought was true

but time passed
and you came to discover
the love we once shared
changed for another

i became vulnerable
but does it matter much
with all the pain in the world
and the likeness of such

trembling and holding pain
i watched you walk away
crumbled deep within
pieces scattered as i lay

laying broken in the night
the safety of love
shattered, torn, ripped
no mercy from above

physical mental emotional
scars run deep
possibly never to heal
the darkness to keep

deluded in love
in trust in hope
my light taken away
alone to cope

should there be a new beakon
a light to bear
something to shelter me
to show that they actually care

pick up the broken pieces
of the deluded hurting soul
i am ne'er to be fixed
so why should i fight at all


.... translate how you want.... -sighs-..

I duhno when I 'll be on again.... but hopefully life will be going a bit more smoothly than the hellhole its been.
EDIT: please note that half of this poem was written earlier in the year...