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Well, all my cards are out on the table...lying flat, face up...unfortunately, it happens to be a losing hand. It's not something I'm exactly a stranger to...
...but, this time...it's different.
Of course it hurts, like any other experience of this category and magnitude, but it's nowhere near as painful as the last time I've gone through this. Not even close. A sadness has descended...that much is the same. However, it isn't looming...it isn't haunting me--except for in my dreams, but that's not a big deal...that's been commonplace for the last few weeks.
I can't help but hate myself for putting myself into this situation; it's like I'm just begging to be hurt.
But...it's all right. Like aforementioned, this time is different. These feelings may be one-sided, but this time around the track, I don't feel...inadequate. I don't have that voice in my head whispering, "You'll never be good enough. You're a failure. You're a sad excuse for a human. You shouldn't even exist."
I realize that this will never go anywhere, though...just like last time. I've been through this before, so...I'll just close up and heal, and open up again when I've recuperated.
I'll be all right...really.
EDIT: Thanks to this event...I'm finally able to write again. Praise the gods, for the true me has returned.
 Chibi Pierceye · Sun May 11, 2008 @ 06:40pm · 0 Comments |
