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I'm acctually thinking about leaving gaia. I've lost my urge to be here. And sure I've thought about it before but... well... now it's just getting clearer. I'm sick of roleplaying here, playing these games.
Maby... I might come back to answer to PM:s but.. maby not. I want to leave this "world". It's just as bad as the real deal anyway, no difference and none of my problems will be solved here.
Mostly I'm afraid. Because.. Once I were a member of a site, it had some sick people playing there and roleplaying. They were all almost adults, they acctually gave the youngsters courage enough to cut themself, they thought it was cool, made them feel special maby or something. I have to admit that they got me tagging along for abit there too. I don't think gaia's like that, not at all. But, I'm feeling bad just by logging in this account. Mostly by personal issues.
And as if... well.. it doesn't matter anymore. I'll just be clear about it. I have a eatingdissorder or whatever it's called. Or... maby I shouldn't call it that. Every time anyone in my family fights or yells I get so depressed that well... I don't eat. I just lose my hunger all together. And since I always hear them yell and fight and I was just recently yelled at and called an idiot and putted down by my sister because we died on a game (WoW) so... yeah it can go hours, days, before I eat again. So... maby it's time for me to just kill myself, well don't be surprised if I just stop coming here, maby I'm dead or something... bye all if something doesn't happend soon!
I'll just quote a song from an anime I have... It seems to fit somehow. Everything. I like it, maby alittle depressing though but who said I am a happy fellow?
if you are near to the dark
I will tell you 'bout the sun
you are here, no escape
from my visions of the world
you will cry all alone
but it does not mean a thing to me
knowing the song I will sing
till the darkness comes to sleep
come to me, I will tell
'bout the secret of the sun
it's in you, not in me
but it does not mean a thing to you
the sun is in your eyes
the sun is in your ears
I hope you see the sun
someday in the darkness
the sun is in your eyes
the sun is in your ears
but you can't see the sun
ever in the darkness
it does not much matter to me
 Mataki · Mon Jul 04, 2005 @ 11:08pm · 1 Comments |
