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i have waay too much stuff on my mind and no one to talk to about it.....i feel like throwing away everything i know, my friends, my family, my home...everything....dammit God why....just...why

What is your name?: Rachel C, Ruka Kekanna
What's your usual screename?: ruka2990
Would you name a child of yours after you?: not really
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that people do with your name constantly?: Rachael, and people really have no idea how to spell Ruka Kekanna right
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?: no, most likely just use a nickname

Basics
Your gender: female
Single?: ...yes.
If not, do you want to be?: no
Birthdate: September 26,1986
Your age: *points up* figure it out
Age you act: sometimes
Age you wish you were: don't really know
Eye color: Hazel(change color)
Hair color: natural-dark brown, at the moment-strawberry blonde with blonde highlights(don't ask but it looks rather cute)
Happy with it?: i guess
What's your job?: don't really have one, just holding down the fort for my mom and getting paid for chours
Piercings?: 2 holes in each ear
Obsessions?: God, anime, music, drawing
Addictions?: God, computers
Kiss or hug?: kiss when you can hug when you can't kiss
Favorite book?: "Speak" -Laurie Halse Anderson
Do you speak another language?: only bits and pieces of others
Have a favorite quote?: waaay too many, quotes of the moment: "We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they're called dreams"
Do you have a webpage?: a few
Do you have any bad habits?: never getting enough sleep, never really eating right
What is the compliment you get from most people?: "Wow! your art is awesome!"
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?: "Quest to the Center of the Soul and Back"
Are you a loner?: does not liking to talk on the phone much count
What are your #1 priorities in life?: God, helping everyone but myself
Do you have a journal?: scary thing is i have one too many
What is your greatest strength and weakness?:
Strength: always there, able to show strength for a friend even though i'm really broken inside, having a very creative mind
Weakness: can really be a b***h, people can't seem to give me the time of day for anything, to closed up(what can i say, it's rather safe in here thank you very much)
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?: ....i don't know
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: so far, like really f-ing sucks
What do you like the most about your body?: um...nothing
And least?: *points up* well, i say everything
What is the fictional character you are most like?: Ruka Kekanna(my own character), Prot(from K-PAX)

How often do you...
Bathe/shower?: every other day
Get drunk?: wish i could at the moment
Say "I love you"?: used to every day
Check your e-mail account?: about 3 or more times a day
Brush your teeth?: Try to once or twice day

Right This Moment...
What are you wearing right now?: big purple sweater with pj shorts
Body part you're touching right now: foot touching foot...that's about it
What are you worried about right now?: everything and yet nothing
Are you going to re-post this survey in your own journal?: kinda doing that now
Draw something?: if i still can't sleep
Clean your room?: in the works of doing that
Think about sex?: personal...
Cry?: almost every night sadly
Spend time with your friends?: ever moment i can to try and make myself feel better

Do You...
Smoke?: tryed it...that's about it
Do drugs?: bodyache meds count?
Read the newspaper?: wow..really haven't in a long time
Pray?: yes
Go to church?: yes
Talk to strangers who IM you?: depends
Sleep with stuffed animals?: sometimes
Take walks in the rain?: haven't in awhile but yea i do
Talk to people even though you hate them?: ...sometimes you just have to
Drive?: hate driving...

Would or Have You Ever?
Liked your voice?: not really
Been out of the country?: lived out the country
Eaten something that made other people sick?: yep
Been in love?: ..yes
Done drugs?: no
Gone skinny dipping?: nope
Had a medical emergency?: yes
Had surgery?: not yet
Ran away from home?: a few times
Played strip poker?: no
Slept outdoors?: yea
Talked on the phone all night?: ...yea
Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex?: yes
Slept all day?: yep
Kissed the same sex?: not on the mouth and not like "that"
Done anything sexual with the same sex?: nooo...
Had a dream that came true?: all the time
Broken the law?: hee...a few times
Met a famous person?: not really
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?: once or twice
Stolen anything?: weridly yea
Bungee jumped?: no

Friends
Who is your best friend?: Sakura, Sandra, and Dolan
Who's the one person that knows most about you?: Jesus, Dolan, Sandra, and Sakura
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?: i..don't really know
Your favourite inside joke?: "remember Dolan, bombs blow up"
Thing you're picked on most about?: just becuse i was
Who's your longest known friend?: Jesus, myself
Newest?: Fred
Shyest?: KK
Funniest?: Sandra
Sweetest?: Sakura
Closest?: ..Dolan
Weirdest?: me >P
Smartest?: Dolan or Sakura
Friends you miss being close to the most?: Sakura and Dolan
Last person you talked to online?: Robin
Who do you talk to most online?: My sister
Who are you on the phone with most?: whoever calls
Who do you trust most?: ....they know who they are
Who listens to your problems?: Sandra
Who do you fight most with?: my parents
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?: never
Who's house were you last at?: Sandras
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in: now, only God
Do your friends know you?: in one way or another
Friend that lives farthest away: God

Love and All That
Do you consider love a mistake?: alot of times it really feels like it
First kiss?: i was 16
If someone you had no interest in had interest in dating you how would you feel?: let them be friends for now and if something develeps then we'll see what happens
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive?: beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: so i'm told...but i hardly believe
What is best about the opposite sex?: ....wait...i can't think of something just give me some time
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: they can hurt you in ways no one else ever could
What's the last present someone gave you?: Cards
Are you in love?: ....sadly i still am

Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?: Dolan...only in dreams
You wanted to kill?: still alive so i guess no one i know
That turned you on?: ....can't say
You went shopping with?: Sandra, Mom
That broke your heart?: you know who you are
To disappoint you?: ...*points up*
To ask you out?: weirdly no one cuz i'm usally the one asking them out
To make you cry?: ...Dolan
To brighten up your day?: no one at the moment
That you thought about?: Dolan
You saw a movie with?: Mom and Sandra
You talked to on the phone?: Mom
You talked to through IM/ICQ?: Robin
You saw?: Mom
You lost?: everything
 Question of the Moment: when is this gonna stop. when am i gonna finally be happy. why do i have to go through all of this, i thought i deserved something more than what i've been getting.....why'd he have to go....

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