I AM A ******** IDIOT!! WHY DO I HAVE TO SECOND GUESS THINGS!!
1. Jason is dead and im guess im wanting to denie that he ever exsisted to weaken the pain of reality...And I KEEP FREAKING ASKING and telling my friend Andrew that he better not be lieing to me about Jason...And now i know that along with Jason being dead so is Andrew's cousin...he's hit twice as hard as i am about this and he was so upset he told me that if i didnt belive him he'd send me Jason's dog tags and then he told me look up his James harris and tell his aunt why her son wasnt coming home....
IM SICK OF THIS WAR! IM NEVER GONNA BE A MARINE! NEVER!
If this is the pain loved ones feel when your gone...i dont want to put anyone subject to it...it hurts really bad...
2. My friend known as Mom is mad at me...Andrew made me promise the day he told me that Jason was dead that i wouldnt tell her because it was his job. Kaydin found out after school on Monday of i do belive the 18th...3 days after i did...I ******** up and told her i knew since the 15th..she got mad and told me i should of told her about it even if i made a promise to Andrew not to tell...
So today in school i avoided her and let her have her space...but during 4th periode she said 'yeah after what you did' after some kind of comment that my friend Andy made..it hurt...
And now i sit here...sick to my stomach at my self...for being so naive and just accepting the fact that Jason WAS/IS REAL and he was never made up....and that i loved him like a ******** brother...And for being so mean to Andrew...someone..please..help me...i think im going insane...and yet i hide it every day since the 14th....ive cryed at least once everyday since then...i never cry all that much and its just tearing me apart.... I dont wanna feel this way...
I think im hearing voices...i dont wanna go crazy...They dont tell me do things bad... i started to hear them when i was told that Jason was dead...one came to me and told me it was ok...and that he was happy...he's been around ever since...always lulling me to sleep at night when im upset and then my subconsius telling me i dont hear it...but at the same time i want to hear the voice cause its soothing and last night i actualy woke up this morning happyish...i was rested and ready to go...
Delicross Community Member 
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