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I'm so ******** tried of s**t happening right now! I just wanna beat up whatever comes my way and throw it away like a worthless toy! I mean, I keep ******** up and my family is falling apart and everything I knew is just...gone.
My grandmother sick as hell, can barly walk without being in pain, throws up in the middle in the damn night and now she refuses to go to the damn doctor! My grandma is like one of the few people in my family that I can talk to right away. She's always been there for me and I hate seeing her like this. Yes I know I'm gonna have to face the fact that she is old and things just happen, but it's so hard when you've known someone for so long, and then...I can't stand to watch her die.
Not only is my grandmother sick as hell but my mom is so ******** pissing me off! I hate it I hate it I hate it!! I know I've ******** up a lot but at least I'm trying to make things right. It's like no matter what I do, I can't please the woman and now I'm ******** over. I don't know if I'm just being a whinny little b***h or my mom just won't except me anymore but it's just pissing me off. She dosen't seem to be the mother I once knew and I blame my ******** stepfather! I don't have my mommy any more and it's ******** it.
And it really dosen't help when I just want to relax and get out the damn house. I have to do stupid stuff just to get out the house in the first place and not only that, I have to expalin my self to people. I just don't get it! Can't I just go out for awhile, and hang with my Chicago buddies? I don't get why everybody gotta be all selfish with me. I know I'm a good person okay? Fine. But I swear if I can't have peace of man what makes them think I'm gonna be a good person for long. I was about to just slap my play bro cause he's getting mad at me for not being on yesterday, and being gone today. I said I was sorry! I can't help this s**t. Now I'm getting mad at him and he's getting mad at me and I just want to ******** end it all but I can't cause I'm not a damn saint! I just....I dunno..I'm ******** upset and I want to cry so badly but I can't. I keep smiling for everyone cause that's what I do. I smile for them and let evrything going in my life stay in the background. Sometimes I feel like no one really gives a s**t that I also have problems and I hate that. I do my best, I really do. But what if I ******** up. I want to be perfect for everyone. Sometimes I have to hold back cause I really want to cheer them up even though I might really disagree in whats going on. And it really dosen't help if everyone is coming to me with problems but don't tell me what's going on. Like the whole story. God...I just need someone to help me out, but who the ******** gonna do it huh? Not even my new bf gets why I'm so upset. ******** ******** it.