anyhow, its weird when you switch schools, cause much of the time you can not know you may or may not do it, and sometimes you wonder if you really will or not, but you sometimes tend to ponder the thoughts of weather you stayed or not, and weather you should have made a bigger goodbye instead of sliping out of many peoples lives, weather anyone even notices yoru gone, or just the people you hang out with have not been able to contact you, or if its alll in your head, and then you must ask yoruself, who considers me a best friend, and its strange because ive seen that question in my mind many a time before and ive put down some friend of mine, but is anyone really my best friend, like, isnt a bestfriend someone who you can count apon and go hang out with and will pick you up when your down, and i cant find hadly anyone that fits that discription, even myself i dont see in that shape or quality, i look around trying to find someone i can go to and be with, but everywhere i turn i only se emptyness, and then i wonder is it that i like the peace of being with only myself, or am i just acostomed to having nobody there all teh time, and sure i may have family or some frineds, and surley i am not alone in this world but i just wish there was some distinc person i could always go to to talk about stuff, someone who wont lead you into trouble but someone who wil hang out with you, and just be there, and then i say to myself, hey i coudl be that person, but then i realize my handicaps from doing that, the overprotective unsuportive family, the no car, the inability to get a drivers license, the closing up of myself, the things i do right but have to feel bad about because of the other ignorant people in my household, and then i wonder will i ever truley get out of here, can i really make it, i spend so much time thinking about the future and planning that i ignore a lot fo my present, and sometimes i feel sad in my presend but dont realize the mistakes ill look back on in my future, i suppose this life would be better if i had brothers and people around me, or wiser people to tell me how to get by easier the first time rather trying to figure everything out on my own, and then i wonder, but isnt this how ive always done everything? hasnt all my thougts and serches turned gold from pure luck and self learned know how? but then maybe im just traping myself inside a box a non-social box and making everything just an excuse to not do anythign and to have no live, to shut myslef away and keep all my true self on machine and digital , keep the real me done untill i get far away from my current state, to wait untill i can loose this sharade and be the real person i am, stop having so many illogical restrictions and ultimatley freedom of my own person, and peace within my own mind, and love within my heart and others near me...
Ryan_The_Random Community Member 
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