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Yes, I wrote it.
Can you hear my story buried in the words?
Losing Those Things I Never Had
"I'm sorry," I whisper softly.
And no one hears my voice.
"I'm sorry," I repeat.
"But it's really not my choice."
I hide away in fear.
And hope they understand.
It's all the choices that I made
That made me how I am.
So sorry I was stupid.
So sorry I've been wrong.
Now here's the end; you hate me, too.
My chance has come and gone.
I scream your name and wonder
If there's no way to make you see.
For all to judge and know a hidden truth...
The girl who's really me.
I'll try my best, wear a fake smile;
But now I'm sure you'll never see.
What I am, not good or bad,
What no one else could be.
You're Still My Everything
I ache to see
Your smile again
And feel your gentle touch.
Your soft, sweet eyes
And softer lips...
The things I learned to trust.
I close my eyes
And see your face...
A hand that once traced mine.
You won't forgive; I can't forget.
My heart breaks more with time.
I love you
You once loved me
Sometimes so pure and true.
I love you,
You don't love me
My heart hurts missing you.
Scars
Scurrying about in our made up world
Trying to find your place.
Ignoring the jeers that mock you more
In every step you take.
Gather up pain and sorrow
Struggle to toss them to the air.
Pretending we can run away
From the truth the nightmare bears.
Hurrying alone, we're alone together,
As we try to outrun time.
Why is it that we try so hard
To leave the past behind?
Smiling to hide the reality
Leaving stretch marks on your face.
We scream for forgiveness and rip at our scars,
Then we drown in our mistakes.
We've worked so hard to escape to tomorrow,
But we're trapped in yesterday.
The pain you feel will stay there forever.
No "future" can take it away.
Solitude
Surrounded by voices that beckon me
But I don't know which to follow anymore.
Listening and obeying these contridictions has worn me out.
Lift me up; for just a moment
Let me breathe the air from where you stand
Sweet taste that I've only imagined.
The voice from my heart cries out
But such a weak substance from which it originates...
Such a pitiful mess of breaks and wounds.
No one hears me.
Alone, as always.
Crawling along, blind, and I can tell no longer
The difference between darkness and eyes held shut.
Will you speak to me, ANGELS?
Or will you continue to stare on, tight lipped,
With that smug look upon your faces?
I can't read the signs.
I reach out
And you turn and flee.
What mercy is that?
I find it to be none.
You COWARDS, you filthy pretenders.
There is no light from your wings.
What says this, OH HOLY ONES?
All you can spare is a passing thought
And suddenly you think yourselves saints.
I'd like to see the soul you healed.
But I guess you did treat me with all the empathy you held.
Since empathy is something you know nothing of.
I'd like to hear you speak my name,
But at this,
Your tongue ties.
Your mind bears nothing of myself.
Glance one, and you think you know the picture.
When I see that day
I will be on my feet
My smile radiant and true
My laugh full of life.
That's for never.
And forever it shall remain.
My body plastered here,
Hell of a lost life.
My eyes hollow save for constant tears.
The pain is all that seems real.
Can ever you touch my skin
And push this wall aside?
I wait...
I gather dust.
Cry out to anyone who might stop for me.
And still I bask only in the company of myself.
And always I am the only one who knows.
My love, My life, My hopes
If ever one sees the damage
And blames me for lack of repair
All will fall to rage and despair.
I'm fighting it.
An army of negativity against me.
And ALWAYS.
I will be the only one who knows.
Happiness
I feel the weight of the world
The world I call my own.
Who can say the weight but I?
As every life is different.
It brings me down
And I begin to choke on the blood of the truth
That I drown in so long.
Soaking me over until I am no more
But a part of the wave in frozen time.
Hate and love.
From somewhere outside
I hear a voice
I feel you grab for me
I've slipped away,
But thought returns.
I'm all alone,
But now I have you on my mind.
I have your words
And I feel a smile.
What is this feeling?
For another person to care for you
However much.
What is this feeling?
It is a heart shaped bracelet
Or a necklace.
Or one earphone shared from your IPod.
It is a little snow globe from Lake George.
And memories so warm it feels unnatural.
You have apart of me, and I you.
How could one word capture
This feeling?
The thought that maybe,
I deserve to be saved.
And you hold me up
As the blood engulfs you, too.
And all you worry for
Is the chance that we might have to let go.
Selfless.
What can we call this feeling?
Because I won't take the answer I'm given.
"Friendship" "Love" "Caring" "Life" "Savior."
No word I find is strong enough.
You make me understand that dreams are dreamt for a reason.
You revive me from cold death.
"Friendship" "Love" "Caring" "Life" "Savior."
How could anything capture
This feeling?
When suddenly the spaces between my fingers are filled
And I feel the tears coming on.
As the pain subsides.
And the road to you doesn't exist.
Because through it all; here you were.
We are one.
And as you smile
Something wells within me.
All because I was drowning
And you were the ones who wouldn't let me go.
How can I explain this feeling?
I can't.
But I want you to know...
I held onto you just as well.
 Audra Connolly · Mon Jul 09, 2007 @ 12:59am · 0 Comments |
