• THE BIRTH OF A CANDY BAR

    Funniest Candy Bar story ever.


    It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, “Hey Sweetheart, how’d you like to Crunch on my big Million Dollar Bar?”

    Well, she immediately went down on my TootsieRoll, and it was pure Almond Joy! I couldn’t help but grab her delicious Mounds because it was easy to see that this little Twix had the Red Hots for me. It was all I could do to hold the Snickers and Crackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight little Kit Kat and she started to scream “Oh Henry!”

    Soon she was fondling my Peter Pan and ZagNut and I knew it wouldn’t be long before I blew my Milk Duds clear to Mars and that gave her a taste of the old Milky Way. She asked me if I was into M&M, but I said, “Hey Chicklet, no kinky stuff.”

    I said “Look you little Reese’s Pieces, don’t be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don’t you take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Ho-ho and I'll give you a Bit 'O’ Honey?” (What a piece of Juicy Fruit she was, too!) She screamed, “Oh your Crackerjack tastes better than the Three Musketeers!” as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup.

    Well, I was giving it to her Good ‘N’ Plenty, when all of a sudden…my Starburst! Yeah, as luck would have it, she started to grow Chunky and comlained of a Wrigley in her stomach. Sure enough, nine months later, out popped..…Baby Ruth!

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