Twilight

• Artist: MinPinPuppies50
• Description: I don't really know what inspired this....I just started writing...My friends like it but what do you think?
• Date: 12/09/2008
• Tags: sleepless

I feel the pain sinking in
losing consciousness as sleep wins,
Wondering if you'll be here when I wake
sobbing as I began to shake,
Heart beats are fast
thinking each will be my last,
Your hand in mine
saying everything is fine,
I drift quietly into dreams
silencing my frantic screams,
my clutching hand loosens its grasp
and my head collapses
on your chest
just for a short rest....

Comments

[conceptually_concrete]

This writing style and topic is one I have seen many times before, so it's not quite as captivating as it would've been had it been written before the "emo" movement in the late 90s. However, I'm certain this work doesn't speak for all of your works, and it wasn't written badly. It's just a bit of a cliche, which a poet should always avoid unless using irony or sarcasm. Alitare, I do believe if you cannot present criticism in a constructive form you shouldn't present it at all.

[conceptually_concrete]

This writing style and topic is one I have seen many times before, so it's not quite as captivating as it would've been had it been written before the "emo" movement in the late 90s. However, I'm certain this work doesn't speak for all of your works, and it wasn't written badly. It's just a bit of a cliche, which a poet should always avoid unless using irony or sarcasm. Alitare, I do believe if you cannot present criticism in a constructive form you shouldn't present it at all.

[Cottoncandyocbra3]

Sorry, did not mean to hit send, but, Please, do not make a part II! This poem was weak, and it hurt my nonexistent soul! 1/5.

[Cottoncandyocbra3]

"#
# i love it. its awsome it reminds me of the twilihgt. u have to go on u cant just stop here, make a part 2 "

[Parkent]

...

[AmaniPhoebe]

i love it. its awsome it reminds me of the twilihgt. u have to go on u cant just stop here, make a part 2