• -Ducks(rednecks)
    A duck hunter, proud of his markmanship, took his son out one morning to witness his skill. After some time a lone duck flew by.
    "Watch this," whispered the dad, as he took aim and carefully fired. The duck flew serenely on.
    "My boy," said the hunter, "you are witnessing a great miracle. There flies a dead duck."

    -DWI (Rednecks)
    One day, two rednecks named Bubba and Earl were driving down the road, drinking a couple of Buds. The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead Earl, it's a po-leece roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!"
    "Don't worry Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, then throw the bottles under the seat."
    "What fer?" asked Bubba.
    "Just let me do the talkin', okay?" said Earl. They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat and slapped the labels on their foreheads.
    When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "Have you boys been drinking?"
    "No sir," said Earl, "we're on the patch.

    -Dead Mother(military)

    The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."
    So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."
    Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"
    "Yes, sir," answered the Sarge.
    A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful."
    So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up. Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward. NOT SO FAST, McGrath!"

    -Afghanistan Christmas Carol(military)

    T' was the night before Christmas and all through the Land, They're running like rabbits in Afghanistan, Osama's been praying, he's down on his Knees, He's hoping that Allah will hear all his Pleas. He thought if he killed us that we'd fall and Shatter, But all that he's done is just make us Madder. We ain't yet forgotten our Marines in Beirut, And we'll kick your butt, with one heavy Boot.

    And yes we remember the USS Cole, And the lives of our sailors that you bastards Stole. You think you can rule us and cause us to Fear, You'll soon get the answer if you live to Hear. And we ain't forgotten your buddy Saddam, And he ain't forgotten the sound of our Bombs. You think that those mountains are somewhere to Hide. They'll go down in history as the place where you Died.

    Remember Khadhafi and his Line of Death? He came very close, to his final Breath. So come out and prove it, that you are a Man, Cause our boys are coming and they have a Plan. They are our fathers and they are our Sons, And they sure do carry some mighty big Guns. They would have stayed home with children and Wives, Till you bastards came here and took all these Lives.

    Osama I wrote this especially for You, For air mail delivery by B-52. You soon will be hearing a thud and a whistle, Old Glory is coming, attached to a Missile I will not be sorry to see your a** Go. It's Red, White, and Blue that is running this Show